Today has been rough. What started as an insulin pen needle malfunction at breakfast quickly turned into a day of distraction, as we inevitably chase glucose numbers all day.
It's a frustrating game and we have to play it often.
We are the replacement for our son's broken pancreas after all....
I normally go with the flow and remember to control what I can control, but sometimes, it seems nothing will help. I've spent my day in an obsessive flow of small 'must do' tasks, scrolling numbingly on social media and incessantly checking my phone watching Super Z’s blood sugar numbers rise and fall dramatically as the day passes on.
As we approach a year living as a Type 1 Diabetes family, I am reminded of our first 7 months when I had no choice but to carry on blindly. Ignorance was certainly a bit blissful. I mean, who really thinks about the function of a their kid’s pancreas on any given day?
Now, thanks to Dexcom, we gratefully have the ability to see his levels anytime of day. Truthfully, it's both bitter and sweet.
It's fantastic that I can take a glimpse into the diabetes situation any time I want. It's bitter because the easy access is a constant reminder of the brutality of this burden on my meaningful productivity and intentional focus.
Today has been a day of the latter. A bit bitter.
I've been in constant redirect mode. Negative feelings, distracted thoughts, unfocused actions. The struggle is real, friends.
Control Your Focus
Control Your Journey
It's times like this when digging deep is really necessary. And our choices become our ultimate journey. We must honor our struggle and accept our circumstances.
Years ago, I would have suffered through the day, staying distracted and accomplishing nothing all day. I’d wallow, blame my situation, and cry “why me”. I’d end the day exhausted, frustrated and likely yelling at my significant other for something that matters not. I'd allow my thoughts, feelings, and distractions to rule the way of my day.
But when you face uncontrollable days like this as often as we do, something more is required. Otherwise, we'd end up being swallowed by the things we cannot control and possibly faced with a regretful life in the end. No one wants that!
Today, I had to turn to one of my death-com 5 moves and physically change locations to get out of this distracted space. I had to put myself in one of my favorite environments and force myself to take action that was aligned with my end goal. I had to create something meaningful!
The alternative? Hour after hour of meaningless reading, listening, viewing, and scrolling. These things could have easily consumed my entire day. What a waste.
Meaningful focus is a hard task and today it took longer than I would like, but I am on track now. Maybe this unexpected situation did cost 5 hours of time I’d rather have spent on something I love, like building my business, helping others, myself heal, or creating something nutritious for my family.
Instead, I learned (again) that trying to control the uncontrollable only yields worry and fear. It creates deep holes of nothingness that create a feeling of back-stepping, over and over.
I will no longer stand for this. For myself. For my family. For our future!
Today I learned (again) that this is part of my story and - like it or not - I am right where I need to be, learning the lessons I am supposed to learn.
You are too my friend. You are too.
So, if you are in need today, I am sending love and healing to you too, warrior.
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